Mr Boyne (centre) LOLing, yesterday
By cultural misappropriation correspondent Billy Mason
A worrying trend by the Nationalistic movement in North Britain has been developing in recent weeks, and today took a turn for the worse with a defiant walk through the Tory streets of Dumfries.
Frightened citizens in Glagow had to flee in panic as a few hundred demonstrators took to the city’s streets last month, despite Nicola Sturgeous’ Police Scotland service vastly inflating this number to 90,000.
Defiance
This act of defiance has clearly sparked an unsavoury trend, as today yet more separatists descended on the quiet town made famous by the zealous rantings of local farmer turned poet, Montgomery Burns.
The event was orchestrated by the sinisterly secretive All Under One Barrier organisation, which has regularly abused social media to generate anti-English hatred and drum-up support for separatist action around the region.
LOL
However today’s gathering sparked derision from the patriotic Loyal Orange Lodgery (LOL), as the society’s Grand Master Flash, William Boyne, poured scorn of the recent separatists’ gatherings.
“These people make me laugh” he said. “Who in their right mind goes marching through cities waving flags and playing music? And all that smiling and waving at people: it’s intimidation, pure and simple.
Sashes
“When the Orange Order processes, we each wear very serious expressions above our firmly starched sashes. We’re out to celebrate our culture and heritage and bring it to the attention of those Fenia…I mean ignorant individuals unaware of what it all means.
“With the flutes and drums sounding everyone is going ‘LOL’ as they point and smile at us. It’s wall-to-wall LOLing. Whilst with the separatists it’s hand-shaking and encouraging people to join in.
No Surrender
“They even had the cheek to carry English flags in Dumfries, claiming them to be English supporters of the separatist cause. A blatant lie! A fabrication. As if anyone from another country would march with them! They were probably all taigs anyway. So we say ‘LOL and No Surrender’ to them, and will emphasise this when we march with the Northern Ireland’s DUP next month.”
We naturally asked Labour Branch Manager in the north of The North, Richard Lennon, for his thoughts on the matter. “Ask Ruth or Theresa as I’ll agree with anything they say” he told our reporter.
Daily Rancid 